So here’s my story. My ex-husband and I met while we were still in high school. Introduced by a mutual friend, it was love at first sight. We were with each other as much as we could possibly be. Yes we were young, but everything felt so real and so right…and so perfect. I am a smart woman so I knew what the statistics were of us working out. I KNEW that first loves don’t last. I KNEW that we were too young to really know what love was. I “KNEW” so many things…but I didn’t care. I was so over the moon for this man, that I over-looked any statistic just to be with him. We moved in together. I convinced myself that if what I had read was true (that you must live with someone before marriage), we stood a chance. We were together for five years before we decided to get married. It was finally happening. During the planning of our wedding, I found out we were expecting and it felt like everything was the way God had intended things to be. Our wedding was small but beautiful and my closest friends and family attended. I had always questioned why his family never showed…but brushed it off due to our one hour distance. Like any couple, we had our arguments and disagreements, but it was nothing that couldn’t be worked on. I thought it was just marriage woes. I felt no reason to be alarmed. Our first daughter was born and it was agreed between us that I would stay home with her until she was of school age. I worked up until I was 8 months pregnant and then stayed home per doctor’s orders. Things were still great. I had a great pregnancy and was having so much fun with it. But I digress. After the birth of our first born is when, I think, things started to go awry. He started to become distant and I felt so alone. He payed much more attention to others’ needs instead of mine. I felt unappreciated and undervalued. Not only did his family and friends have his attention more than I did but MY own family and friends were more important to him. We then found that we were expecting our second daughter. I felt as if it was a last ditch effort to save our marriage (as most women often do when conceiving a child in turmoil). By the time I was in labor with our second daughter, he barely made it to the delivery room. After she was born, he hurried off home while I was alone, an hour away from home with no support or comfort. When our second daughter was six months old, he pulled me aside at my dad’s birthday party and told me that he didn’t love me anymore and that he was leaving. He also told me that he would continue to live with me (and by “live” I mean sleep with in the same bed as) until he could find a place of his own to live in. I was in shock! I was surprised and horrified. I didn’t know what to do except cry. I cried and cried and held my daughter close in my arms in my room while he mingled with the guests at my dad’s party. Just like that. He decided we were over. All by himself with no discussion. I lived in this condition for three days until finally I had had enough. I was building a bookcase for my children’s room by myself when he said, “do you need any help with that?” This question infuriated me and I told him to get the hell out of my house. I sent him packing and he was pissed. He went to stay with his mom when I made him leave. But really, he was already planning on leaving…he just didn’t want his family to know about it. Anyway, we were separated for almost two months. He was so cold and distant and I couldn’t figure out where I had gone wrong. What did I do?!
My family and friends were absolutely convinced that it was another woman. I denied the accusations. Even though we were separated, I stood by my man. I told everyone there was no way he was cheating and left me for another. I knew he loved me with all his heart. But then, it started to hit me. Little by little, piece by piece… Courtney text him saying, “hey honey. I’m at work, open the door.” Courtney had gone shopping with him to buy me a birthday gift. He was so proud when he brought home a baby shower gift for our second daughter from Courtney…Looking back, I can’t even remember how many times I heard that God-awful name! He even told me about a time he was caught being “inappropriate” with her at work and someone had filed a sexual harassment suit against him. She was an opportunist preying upon a broken married man (and she was taken herself!). He would stay out all hours of the night. I pretended it didn’t bother me. I felt I was a “nagging” wife so I kept quiet when he wanted to go out with friends. He would stay out until the sun came up and I believed his lies. I lied awake in bed all night waiting for him to come home, never questioning him. Whatever he wanted, he got. I felt he deserved it because he was a good father and provider to our family…I was sure that this is what marriage was all about. I stayed home with the kids and kept our home nice while he earned a solid living and took care of us. I thought that was enough to keep him happy…simply because, he never told me he wasn’t. He never told me what he wanted or needed from me and I had no clue what I was doing wrong. We just didn’t have great communication skills.
During our two month separation, I strayed from our marriage as well in order to hurt him and “beat him at his own game”. Well, that failed miserably. We reunited, he found out about my affair during our separation, and left me for the other woman for good.
For a long time I was sad about all of it…especially since most ignorant people look at me as the sole person at fault…But I realize now that he is just an asshole and a douche bag and would have left anyway without really trying to save his marriage. It’s been four years since our divorce has been finalized… I think they’ve been married for almost two of those years. They are completely disgusting excuses for human beings and I hope they will too soon reap what they have sown.